The Quiet Power: How Self-Compassion and the Right Self-Talk Build Unshakeable Confidence

Ever try to search for self-confidence by channeling your inner Beyoncé while blowdrying your hair only to immediately feel like a fraud and hope no one saw you? No? Me neither… There’s this massive myth floating around sport that confident athletes have zero doubts. Like they wake up, eat pressure for breakfast, and walk onto the pitch radiating main-character energy (like Beyoncé). But in reality every athlete will have doubts at one point or another. Being confident doesn’t mean that there is an absence of doubt. It’s about the ability to perform despite having these doubts and fears. And that’s where self-compassion and quality self-talk quietly change everything.

The Myth of No Doubt (AKA: The Biggest Scam in Sport)

A lot of athletes secretly believe: “If I doubt myself… something is wrong with me and I don’t trust myself.” Spoiler: doubt is part of the human package and it doesn't mean you are malfunctioning. This is literally what you signed up for when you were born :) Even elite athletes admit it (when they feel safe enough to do so). Recently, Kylian Mbappé opened up in an interview about how mental health is still taboo in elite sport (Reuters, 2025). He said athletes fear being judged if they show vulnerability and he straight-up admitted the pressure sometimes makes him feel tired, overwhelmed, or disillusioned.

Translation: If Mbappé can doubt at times… you can too!

The key however is knowing what to do when doubt appears so that it doesn’t plough into you and knock you sideways.

The Role of Self-Talk: Your Internal Teammate or Your Internal Bully?

Imagine if you had a teammate who followed you around saying: “You’re terrible.” “Don’t mess up.” “Everyone’s watching.” “Wow. How embarrassing.” You would block them on every platform (I hope…). But somehow athletes speak to themselves like this constantly.

We often think that our confidence cracks because of a bad performance but most of the time, the reason confidence cracks is because the internal commentary, about ourselves and our performance, turns toxic. It becomes a constant drip of pressure, criticism, and catastrophising, which your brain interprets as a threat.

The proof is in the pudding. Harsh self-talk puts your nervous system into hyper-alert. The amygdala fires up, cortisol spikes, and everything in your body goes ‘DANGER MODE.’ Kind self-talk does the opposite. Your system settles, your amygdala calms down, and your body stops acting like it’s being chased by a grizzly bear. Over time, that helps you wire in more helpful thinking.

Kind self talk looks something like this: “This is hard but I can handle hard things.” “One mistake doesn’t define me.” “Let’s focus on what’s next.”

“One step at a time.”

Why Self-Compassion Works (The Science Bit)

Research across sport psychology keeps showing the same thing: Self-compassion supports resilience, confidence, and adaptive coping (Neff, 2011; Mosewich et al., 2013).

Self-compassion has three parts:

1. Mindfulness - noticing what you feel instead of denying or drowning in it.

2. Common humanity - remembering that struggling doesn’t mean there's something wrong with you or that you're not capable, it makes you human.

3. Self-kindness - speaking to yourself like you would to someone you care about.

Athletes often fear self-compassion because they think it makes them “soft.” But the evidence says the opposite: Self-compassion reduces fear of failure, increases courage to try again, and stabilises confidence even when things get messy.

It’s not about letting yourself off the hook, It’s about allowing yourself to be human AND pursue excellence at the same time.

So What Does Self-Compassion Look Like in Sport?

Usually, it doesn’t look like this: “I’m incredible. I am a legend. I am beauty and I am grace” (If you genuinely believe that - great! If not… let’s not kid ourselves.)

It looks more like this: “I’m feeling nervous, and that’s okay.” “I can still perform even if this feels uncomfortable.” “I’m allowed to make mistakes and still keep growing”

The right self-talk removes panic about doubt, rather than doubt itself. And that is what stabilises confidence.

Try This Week

1️⃣ Swap harsh self-talk for a neutral phrase When you catch yourself spiralling, try: “Okay. I notice the doubt. What’s the next action?” Simple. Neutral. Effective.

2️⃣ Use the ‘best friend rule’ Would you say what you just said to yourself… to your best friend? If not, rewrite it. You deserve the same compassion.

3️⃣ After mistakes, say: “What does this teach me?” Self-compassion means responding with curiosity instead of self-destruction. So try to learn from your mistakes rather than beating yourself up over them.

Doubt. Fear. Pressure. You don’t have to eliminate any of them to be confident. You just need the right inner voice to walk you through them.

Because confidence isn’t loud. It isn’t showy. It doesn’t look like chest-thumping or shouting “LET’S GO” every 5 minutes. Confidence is quiet. It’s steady. It’s the calm voice that whispers: “I can handle this.”

And if Mbappé can feel doubt but still step onto the pitch ready to perform, you can too.

If you're wanting to learn more and get targeted help from a sport psychologist - you know where to find me ;)