Recover, Reframe, Rise: What resilient athletes actually do after setbacks

Most of you, at one point or another, have likely experienced having a bad moment in training and then somehow convinced yourself that you’re terrible at your sport, disappointing everyone, and should probably retire immediately, right?

Setbacks in sport are funny like that. You can miss one shot, make one bad session, or have one comment that lands slightly wrong, and suddenly your brain is off on a full world tour of worst-case scenarios, stopping only briefly to remind you of every mistake you’ve ever made since 2012.

We often blame the setback or mistake for doing the damage and throwing us off-course…but more often than not, it’s the story our brain tells us afterwards that causes the damage.

What Actually Happens After a Setback

The usual pattern goes somewhat like this. Something goes wrong and your brain immediately panics and starts to spiral. Before you know it you're thinking things like: “This always happens to me”, “I can’t handle pressure", “Maybe I should just quit.”

Now, one of the brain's absolute favourite hobbies under stress is: jumping to conclusions with absolutely zero evidence. Even though this may seem a bit dramatic and counterproductive, what's actually happening is that your brain is trying to protect you from future embarrassment, failure, or rejection. Unfortunately, it just has the emotional subtlety of a foghorn.

What Even is Resilience?

Well, if you ask Instagram and read some of the quotes people post, you might think that "resilience" is all about not feeling much, not reacting to things, and definitely not spiralling in the car on the way to or from an important game. Even though there may be some truth to that last point, the rest is unrealistic. Resilient athletes still feel annoyed, disappointed, frustrated, and fed up. But the difference is they don’t let those feelings decide what happens next. They all have a way of catching the spiral before it turns into a full personality crisis.

This is where thought-records can come in handy so let's talk about them for a sec. Stay with me. I promise it’s not as boring as it sounds.

Thought-Records: AKA “Let’s Slow This Down for a Second”

A thought-record is basically a pause button for your brain. It's not to make the thoughts disappear or replace them with fake positive ones. But it's just to stop the negative or distorted thinking patterns from running the entire show.

Imagine you miss a chance and your brain goes: “Wooow that was embarrassing. You’re the absolute worst under pressure.” A thought-record here would gently step in and say: “Okay. where's the evidence here and let’s unpack it before we burn the whole house down.”

Basically, you look at what actually happened (one moment), what your brain said about it (usually very dramatic), and whether that thought is helpful, accurate, or just loud and obnoxious.

Now, that's not to say you'll suddenly feel super confident again like nothing happened, but you'll probably feel a little less doomed - and that's a big win!

So what does it actually look like? Well, usually you'll have about 7 columns:

1. Situation: Who, what, where, when?

2. Mood: What emotions are felt, and how intense (0-100%)?

3. Automatic Thoughts: What is running through your mind?

4. Evidence: What supports this thought?

5. Evidence Against: What does not support this thought?

6. Alternative Thought: A more balanced, realistic perspective.

7. Outcome: Re-rate mood intensity. 

The best time to fill this out is immediately after the negative shift in mood or during a challenging situation. But if you're in the middle of a game and you can't just up and leave for 5 minutes to go write in your journal, then after the game is also just fine.

Coping Skills: Because Thinking Alone Won’t Save You

Athletes often get stuck because they understand the thought and know it is irrational… but they’re still wired, tense, or emotional and don't understand why. Thats because thoughts don’t live in isolation, your body is involved too. So we need to learn coping skills in order to reset our nervous system.

What often helps is something physical, simple, and repeatable that helps your nervous system stand down a bit. What I usually recommend to my athletes is a simple breathing pattern (like inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 8) or a short physical cue like tapping your chest or grounding your feet. If you pair that with positive self-talk you've got yourself a good routine.

So, in conclusion, resilient athletes don’t wait until they feel calm, they actively do something that allows them to calm down quicker and stay calmer throughout games.

Why This Combo Actually Works

Thought-records give you clarity and help you make sense of what happened after the moment. Whereas coping skills give you the control to survive the moment while it’s happening.

Together, they stop one bad moment leaking into the next play, the next session, or the rest of your week. So instead of thinking that that one moment has ruined EVERYTHING. You're left thinking "okay that wasn't great but I know why I reacted like that and I know what to do next." That's resilience.

Try This:

Next time something goes wrong, try this mini-reset:

1. Notice the thought. Don’t fight it. Just notice it.

2. Ask yourself: “Is this helpful… or is this just my brain panicking?”

3. Then do one small coping action you’ve practiced before.

That’s it.

Remember, setbacks are part of sport but spiralling for three days afterwards doesn’t have to be. Develop tools to help you recover faster, think clearer and don't let one moment define the next ten.

If you are struggling with thought spirals and can't seem to get out of them, feel free to reach out and together we'll develop some coping skills to try to stop your ballerina brain from doing continuous pirouettes :)